Thank you, Sir Purée-a-lot

Just a little observation here… there are all kinds of “drunks” and I’m referring to the actual condition here not a person in such a condition. One example is the “sun buzz”… this is the kind of drunk you get drinking beers on the beach in the middle of the day. For some reason, this kicks in quick… sometimes even halfway into the first beer as if your brain eagerly pre-anticipates the afternoon and wants to get started.

Another is the “hyper drunk” feeling you get when you’ve drank a few in and around the pool. Even without alcohol, I get a little jumpy when I’m inside after spending some time in a pool… likely it’s a defense mechanism against hypothermia or something. Throw a few Sam Adams and a homemade banana-canteloupe-Bacardi smoothie into that mix and I’m doing karate kicks, slo-mo Matrix leaps, and talking like a Hollywood cocaine fiend.

I don't feel tardy.

Well, so far, life with Finn is life with the typical eating, sleeping, and pooping machine. And if there are any issues with any of the 3 primary functions, go to #4: crying. Thankfully, he seems healthy and is eating well.

When we got in the car to take him home, the first song on the radio was Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher"... a far cry from freakin' "Red Sails at Sunset"!

Lots to do right now, otherwise I could write a lot about this song... one item being I once got in a 4-car wreck while it was playing and the first thing I did after the car stopped shuddering was to painfully reach to turn it off.

Enter Finn!

Stats:
Born 3:05pm, 6/24/08
Weight: 8lbs, 4oz
Length: 21 in

Weight-wise, he's the smallest. Labor-wise, this one was the longest... roughly 7 hours from the beginning of the induction... about an hour or so longer than Liam.

First song heard via the cable's Easy Listenig music channel: a pretty schmaltzy "Red Sails In the Sunset" followed by a Muzak version of "Bridge Over Troubled Waters". I ain't counting it until we get in the car and turn on a rock station! By the way, Liam's was Bowie's "Fame". Erin's was a Red Hot Chili Pepper's song... can't remember it off hand but it's on the tape.

Mother and son are doing fine. So far, Finn is a chow-hound.

Congratulations... it's a beautiful bouncing BLANK.

Looks like Finn is taking it easy and, although Kerry thinks it should only be another hour, there's a chance we may be in for the long haul.

But no matter... they've got GSN the Game Show Network and Matchgame just came on... and with Charles Nelson Riley!

He's Here!!!

Just kiddin' folks...

STILL no baby but things are comin' along
Kerry's thinking in the next hour but who knows?

I was THINKING of sending out a joke e-mail with the attached pic but Kerry was adamant that something like that would not be funny. I will defer to her in matters like this.

It's all in the delivery.

Ahem.

Here we go!

Well, here we are in the same delivery room we were in for Erin’s birth. When I walked in then after dropping Kerry off at the Emergency entrance and hurriedly parking the car, it seemed like there was a dozen people rushing around the tiny space, machines bleeping, everything lit up… a-buzz with purpose and activity. Twenty minutes later, Erin was in the big wide world.

This time seems much more like the time before Liam’s arrival (then in the delivery room next door)… calm, dim lights, the brook-like murmurings of Finn’s heart/sound monitor… and a lot of sitting-around time.

So it’s 8:50am and I’m typing away on my laptop. Kerry’s in bed next to me watching Good Morning America. My father-in-law is home with the kids. The pitocen is in so we’re on our way.

No story on the ride in. We budgeted for possible traffic and ended up having plenty of time. We drove by our old apartment on Wesley… the street’s been redone but otherwise the same from the outside. It’s a two-story brick place with about nine apartments. Our place had two small bedrooms, a bathroom in between, and a tiny kitchen. We liked it and the area was great… especially since for a year we had one car so Kerry had to walk everywhere with Liam. But it was a little awkward with a baby crying at all hours plus we could hear all the drama of the neighbors so we soon ended up making the move OTP.

Kind of a crazy last few weeks for us. First Finn’s breach then not. Then we’re without water for a night and half a day. Then last Friday, our AC went out. Yes, yours truly was dealing with a mother about to burst in late June in Atlanta WITH NO AIR CONDITIONING! So with screwdriver in hand, I headed down under the house once again willing to dive in.

BREAK-IN: 9am, the doc just showed up and did a quick check. Things going fine. Nothing shakin’ yet.

Anyway, I know nothing about AC’s but I’m going to give it the once over just to check all the stupid things that could be the problem. Damn if I’m going to spend $70 for a guy to come out and re-connect a loose wire. By the way, it’s a twenty year old system so we all know it’s days are numbered but we want to try to get more one or two more years out of it. Everything basic checks out. So now I figure the guy’s gonna show up and immediately say we need a new one.

He doesn’t but it turns out we either spend $600 for a new capacitor and fan motor and likely something else will go in a year or $3100 for a new system. With a new baby due, we opt for the big chunk o’change.

More news as events warrant….oh wait… this just in. First semi-painful contraction at 9:30am. Here we go!

We're goin' in!

In less than 8 hours, we'll be at the hospital and soon after, Finn's a-comin' out.

Makin' Jack a dull boy.

My father-in-law is staying with us to help out with the kids and all during Finn's impending arrival. We're headin' intown Tuesday by the way unless he decides to pull an Erin Monday afternoon.

Anyway, I took the opportunity to ride my bike around and rode the same area described here only this time, I found a bunch more winding trails... a little muddy because of the prior day's rain but included stream crossings, little jumps, and tasty trailside blackberries. One thing notably absent was the same thing missing last time I wandered here... no bike tracks.

I mean, technically it's probably illegal to ride on old construction trails or whatever they are but if that's why there are no kids messing around back here then today's kids are listening to up parents a bit too much! I'm thinking that's not what it is. I also don't think it's all due to Wii's and the fact that kid's lives today are jammed with structured activities (sports and day camps) although these two reasons are probably a huge part of it.

I think it's because we never let our kids leave us nowadays. Kids aren't wandering around exploring and having aimless fun because we won't let them leave our sides. We're afraid that they're either going to be hit by a rampaging SUV with the driver jabbering on a cellphone or that they'll be spirited away and murdered by a serial killer or child molester... the TV populations of which are 10x that of reality. Note I'm ranting a little here... I'll probably be somewhat guilty of the same thing but hopefully not to the extent that my kids can't ride a freakin' bike around the neighborhood.

One sign of hope... there were the smoldering remains of a small campfire in the middle of one trail. Since it was a very small one and there were no beer cans strewn about, I assume it was the work of a few kids screwin' around with matches.

Hallelujah!

Sumerian Octopus

By the way, something about anonymously posting on a site like this disgusts me so from now on, they'll be summarily deleted no matter how innocuous. If you don't feel like signing in and all, that's fine but put in a nickname or something, you puss.

I have spoken.

FD08 II

A few weeks ago I spilled a thermos of water at a meeting so vowed never to use one without a screw-top lid. Sunday, Kerry got me the mac-daddy of thermos', the Nissan Travel Tumbler. Without a handle, it's a bit prone to "tumbling" in the car but that's more the fault of the cupholders than anything else.

The other day, I filled it with hot coffe, drove to work, jogged for an hour, then changed.... roughly an hour and a half. The coffe was still hot. Not scalding by any means but it was more than simply warm.

Erin made me a great picture... framed and everything... with her handprint and "Happy Father's Day". The charm of it was only slightly diminished by the fact that she completely forgot about it until halfway through the day!

FD08

This year’s Father’s Day did not start well. Oh sure, I got the kids waking me up with the cute handmade cards and the bacon and egg breakfast… that part was great. And then Liam put me through his clue-game to get my present of a Speed Racer race set… I did say it was MY present, right? Hey, he did get it with his own money and actually he stressed it was only HALF mine!

Anyway, so far so good but there was a dark cloud hanging over our tranquil scene of domestic bliss. Yesterday, my wife sent me down under the house… into the spider-infested netherworld of pipes and rocks that is our crawlspace… to see if there was a way I could route cable to our TV (long story… later). I find the entire middle area of the space flooded with water, a leaking pipe coupling on the water heater being the culprit. Tightening it made it leak more. Taking it apart, inspecting it, and putting it back together made it even worse… much worse. So I shut off the water coming into the house and head to Home Depot. Nothing seems to be what I need. Part of the problem is my house has polybutylene piping. Google that and you’ll get one side of the problem. The side that says avoid PB pipe.

Regardless of whether it’s a problem or not, nobody has stuff (fittings, etc.) for it everything being for iron, PVC, and copper. I would’ve gone to Ace in the first place but the hours of Home Depot (plus it’s nearby) make it hard to resist.

So the family went to bed with no water. I’ve always said that generally, having no power is far better than no water. Barring the middle of winter, no power is kind of a rustic ole-timey adventure... candles, blankets, etc. but no water means no washing hands, no clean dishes, and the worse… no flushing toilets… a major pain. And I really had no idea how the Hell I was going to fix the problem.

So after the Father’s Day morning, Liam and I head to Ace where we are quickly lead to someone that knows what she’s talking about. Soon we have the parts and a plan and I’m back under the house. Amazingly, after some hacksawing, measuring, and more sawing, the job is done. No leaks.

Rockin’.

I am Man, hear me roar.

In like Finn

Finn’s been putting us through some twists and turns just lately. His original due date was June 22 but then a few weeks ago, we realized he was breach… sitting in Kerry’s womb like a Buddha. So we went back and forth about what to do… should we have a specialist try to turn him? Should she have a c-section? We decided on the c-section and once things calmed down, I have to admit it was nice having everything scheduled… I had my PTO dates in at work (my boss e-mailed “thanks for the heads up” in reply), no need to read up on how to deliver a baby on the side of the freeway… pretty nice. The cesarean (are there any other surgeries named for a murder?) was scheduled for the 13th on a Friday which, of course, brought a comment from everyone. Remember people, rub your warts with a dead cat!

But then Finn flipped (do I need to write “literally”?) and now we are back on for au naturale. And since Erin came lickety-split, I’ll be reading up on roadside deliveries.

Don’t cut the cord!

My Teeth

I brush my teeth twice a day.

It’s usually the first thing I do when I wake up and definitely the last thing I do before going to bed.

I don’t use a lot of toothpaste.

I remember Pearl Drops and even that Colgate powder stuff.

I used Aim for a while when I was a kid, then the striped Aqua-Fresh for a bit when it came out.

As an adult, I stuck with the baking soda stuff for a long while now I use whatever Kerry gets.

It's been some extreme mint stuff for a year or so now.

I used to spend a lot of time on the gums until they started receding and my dentist told me to lighten up.

I floss about once a week.

I’d like to do it more but don’t.

After I get my typical glowing report from my dentist and hygienist I always let them know I rarely floss and they go on and on about how I need to.

I typically floss while I’m sitting in traffic or lying in bad before going to sleep because that’s pretty much the only time I’m not using my hands.

I’ve never been one for mouthwash.

I went through a Listerine stint in college but haven’t used it much since.

I had braces when I was a kid and used to wad them up with the wax they gave you so the insides of your mouth wouldn’t end up a bloody, shredded abattoir.

I’ve had eight teeth taken out of my head… four wisdom, four for the braces.

I still feel the gaps of the internal ones.

I’ve got a bunch of metal fillings that I’ve had for thirty or so years.

I used to love the nitrous, redolent with the scent of banana at my orthodontist’s… who doesn’t love that stuff?

I hated the fluoride gel they would put in a plastic mold of your teeth and make you keep in your mouth.

Once I couldn’t and gagged and spit the whole mess out… butterscotch! Blech!

Whatever happened to those red pills you would chew that would put red stains on your teeth where the plaque was?

Too much FD&C Red #5 or something?

Everybody... get down!

Last Memorial Day weekend, along with the regular lawn mowing and visit to the recycling center, I biked with the kids at the Suwanee Greenway (Erin’s not far from shedding her training wheels), camped out in the backyard with hot dogs and s’mores (and slept in the tent), went to a very fun cookout at some friends’, and took Liam to see Speed Racer.

My earliest pop-culture memory is Ultra-Man. #2 is Speed Racer. Speeding cars racing along high-rise tracks, slamming into each other, crashing, explosions… classic fodder for Saturday morning TV.

The critics seem to be skewering it but I think the movie got it just right. If the goal was to bring the cartoon to life, they accomplished it and I can’t imagine it being captured any better. Now, one might argue that emulating the cartoon may not be such a worthwhile goal… a few views on YouTube will reveal that the original show does not hold up well. But that’s from an adult’s perspective. I loved the show when I was a kid and that’s exactly what the Wachowski’s were going for. And I think it was a gutsy move to aim it right at the kids instead of throwing in a few innuendos to get a PG-13 and a wider audience.

And I’ve never really understood the “too long” judgement for any movie. If I’m enjoying something, I’m fine if it goes on for three hours let alone one-and-a-half.

Spritle and Chim-Chim were great, the races were like giant Hot Wheels tracks, and the racing was insane. I'm tellin' ya it was straight from the cartoon. Jumping cars, spikes, ice caves... the only thing missing was the Mach 5 racing through a forest chopping down trees with the sawblades. Yes it was mostly all just a super-simulated blast of technicolor eyecandy and yes, the plot was cliché but how’s that not a great way to spend a summer afternoon with an 7-year old?

MARTA, IT'S SMARTA, my ass!

I’ve always been like O.J. Simpson.

Wait. Strike that. Reverse it.

I’ve always been the type of guy that cuts it close when catching a flight. And each time I almost miss (or actually DO miss) a flight, I swear it’s my last time and I’ve learned my lesson.

Well, this time I have. Honest

So I’m heading down 400 on my way to the airport. It’s 6:30 am and I have just enough time to make it no problem but I make the first of several moronic mistakes. For some reason, I decide to take the MARTA. I pull into the North Springs station and jump out of my car, doubts already collecting and clamoring in my head like seagulls around the bread lady. I fumble with the new passcard system and run up the steps and, as always, hear a train leaving the station as I emerge onto the platform.

So then I sit in the other train for 5 – 10 minutes… waiting…. waiting…. but instead of whisking me off to the airport, an announcer comes on the intercom saying it’s out of service. I get off and sit down in the other train that recently showed up. I watch the “out of service” train speed merrily off then wait… wait… then make Moronic Mistake #2.

I realize that I have not enough time to make my flight by taking the MARTA. I doubt I’ll be able to do it in my car but there’s a slim chance I can do it.. plus I’LL BE IN CONTROL instead of sitting here on this stupid, f**king train! So I rush off, hauling my luggage back to my car… knowing I will see the train leave before I get to it… which I do.

I get to my car and head out only then realizing that I will not be able to head on 400 south to the airport but instead will be forced to go north on 400 in the ever-growing traffic. I see ahead to the overpass… the one that I would have to cross over to get onto 400 south… and everything’s jammed up.

I will not make it. No way. No how. An hour and a half until my flight takes off… and I’ve already missed it.

So I’ll catch a later flight. I get off the exit to go BACK to the MARTA station, but decide that, since I now have time, I’ll take the backroads to the station. I end up another one down at the Sandy Springs station. I park, get on the train, and head into town. On the phone, my work’s Travel rep gives me another choice. Do I change my flight now and pay $50 or do I try to get it done at the desk at the airport where possibly it will be no-charge? The fact that they may count me as a no-show for the first flight before I manage to get to the desk thereby forfeiting the whole ticket seals the deal. Change it.

I meet up with my cow-orker in Philly and we take a car into the country, We end up on the Turnpike which is basically an endless tunnel under the sky. No signs, no exits, no sign of whether you are passing through a city or not, no restaurants… nothing. After an hour and a half, we miss our exit and it’s THIRTY freakin’ miles until we get to the next one. So rather than go back 30 more we recourse our route and get off the turnpike. Only I have no cash for the toll booth which, of course, does not take credit card. Jason has no cash either so we spend ten minutes at the head of an ever-growing line of cars while the attendant digs up some form in which I promise to mail in $4.25 to the Turnpike Commission.

Starving, we both grab cheesesteaks at JT’s Steak and Ale, a pretty neat place in scenic Jim Thorpe.

Things were fairly tame during our stay in Frackville… yes, Frackville. Had lunch at a cool little bar… the 901 Pub in Pottsville. I love these kinds of dives… the kind with wood paneling everywhere, regulars, and shit on the walls that you know has been there for a while… not something some design consultant selected from a catalog. These places are everywhere up north and are hard to find down here in stripmall land.

Pennsylvania was nice… rolling hills, green everwhere, etc. but Philly was something else. I will suspend any criticism since we were near the airport the whole time and one can certainly not judge a city by it’s airport hotels! But I will comment on the wings we got at the Ramada.

It may be a “style” but they were served slightly crispy with no sauce on the wings. The sauce came in your own personal cup for dipping. I guess the way I like them is called “wet” and that’s how I’ve been eating them all my life.

The flight back was uneventful… I brought a laptop for the first time and did my expense report on the plane… gee whiz this new technology… next thing you know it, you’ll be able to watch a movie on these things.

So then I get off at the MARTA station and walk out to the parking garage. For some reason, all the stairs are marked FOR EMERGENCY USE ONLY so either you are forced to use the elevator or must wander up the ramps I suppose. I took the stairs.
I get to my car and start driving for the exit but the signs that say pay for parking at the station entrance keep pointing in the other direction. It finally dawns on me that the “station entrance” is not where cars drive in but where I walked into the actual station.. ie., NOT the parking garage.

So I re-park, get out, and make the trek back to where the turnstiles are. I show them my ticket and pay the fee without even bothering to ask if I can put it on the MARTA passcard that I unintentionally put $10 or 11 on because I know they won’t let me. Sigh. I have two or three pieces of paper in my hand after this, toss all but one receipt in the trash (why do so many places still give out two receipts?!), and head back, once again making an “emergency” trip up the steps.

I’m about ¾ of the way back to my car and I’m wondering what keeps people from driving off without paying? How do they know whether you paid or not? That’s when I realize that I shouldn’t have thrown away my ticket after paying! SO baaaack through the garage… baaaaack down the steps… and baaaaack to the turnstiles where I fumble in the trash drawing stares and titters (“I thought he was looking for food or something”), then baaack to my car then, joy of joys, I have to drive to freakin’ work.

Next time, I'm getting to the goddamn airport six hours before my goddamn flight.

Ouchie

Here's something I'm sure Charley can relate to.

When I was single, I probably went through a box - actually, I never got through a box of Band-Aids. But have a little girl in your house and you'll go through a box in three months easy.

It's not so much that Erin hurts herself all the time... it's that everything, real or imagined, gets a Band-Aid.

Everything.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I BECAME A UCF ENGINEER

10. I don't want a social life.

9. I thought coriolus was a pastry.

8. I like taking classes twice.

7. I could only find a parking space in the Engineering lot.

6. I enjoy 3 hours of sleep a night.

5. Engineering? I thought "EGN" meant English.

4. I wanted to find out what the other buttons on my calculator did.

3. 4 years of college just isn't enough!

2. I flunked my philosophy entrance exam.

And the number one reason why I became a UCF engineer:

1. I love trains.

This was from one of those rampant top 10 shirts back in the late 80's. On this one I came up with 5 or 6 of the items but my #1 was voted down because it was "risque":

For the chicks.

Life is good.

A classic beer moment is after spending two hours in the hot sun, sitting back, looking over your freshly-mowed lawn, and taking deep sips off a nice, cold bottle of beer.

I'm surprised the big breweries never have ads focusing on this... the best beer for it is in fact cheap, American beer. Instead they usually have some frat-fantasy of hot, model-types being impressed to the point of orgasm by obnoxious dorks buying them bottles of watered-down beer.

Thursday

Except for running, I carry a contact lense case full of saline solution wherever I go.

Fact: TARGET shopping carts are made primarily from scrap toilet seats. Try finding that on the Net.

A real man should always cultivate facial hair and longish hair so that after committing a crime, he can more readily escape detection with a quick shave and trim.

Goals, Roaches, and Black Nails (a weekend in the life of)

Friday night, after work I rushed to soccer practice with the kids. First was Erin’s but only a few kids showed up including the Terminator, a little boy tinier than Erin but put him on a field and roll a ball out in it and he will not stop going after it until it is in the goal. I swear, everywhere the ball is, he’s there constantly at it. In a game, I have never seen him tire nor look anywhere but at the ball nor do anything but get the ball and dribble it down to the goal. Right after Erin’s was Liam’s practice but fairly quickly it was called on account of lightening.

Got home, ate some spaghetti, almost fell asleep putting the kids to bed, but cleaned up my utility room instead. This is a tiny unfinished (ie., no drywall) room off the garage with shelves and a workbench. I keep all my tools in there plus all the yard and DIY crap. I’ve kind of done it up as a guy place but instead of wood panelling, a dart board, and a neon beer sign over a wet bar I’ve got two old posters (Swingers and an awesome Thunderball) on the ceiling and a lava lamp on a shelf.

Saturday, I woke up a little after the kids did. Liam was already working on his paper transformer. I got the coffee going like I always do and made oatmeal for the kids. Kerry got up and we all headed out for 2 hours of soccer games.

When we got back, I mowed the lawn while Liam took apart an old can opener and Kerry and Erin went to a birthday party for one of Erin’s classmates. Then Liam and I went mountain biking at a park nearby with a small and relatively tame trail. Good thing because Liam’s bike has no gears and no shocks which’ll have to do for now.

Then we played Life (for Family Game Night) and watched Enchanted (for Family Movie Night). I hate the game but the kids loved the movie.. especially a great scene where rats and cockroaches tidy up an apartment ala Snow White... they were completely cracking up. The flick did a good job gingerly treading the line between parody and tribute.

The next morning we did the church thing. Typically, I go on Christmas and Easter and likely once or twice every other month.

Then good ole yardwork. I know I’m saying this because it just turned Spring and next August when it’s 100 degrees outside I’ll be reading this and shaking my head but I love screwing around out in the yard… mowing, weed-eating, clipping, cutting back vines… my war against the poison ivy has fired up again and the ants are massing an assault that I’m strategically repelling… or at least I hope I am. Good times.

There’s a patch out front where the plumber dug up the yard replacing a busted pipe last year that I’ve been trying to get grass to grow on. Seeding helped a little but I’m going in again with some lime this time! Lime it, till it, rake it, seed it, cover it with straw (not pine this time), and water it, water it, water it, water it.

I also fired up my stick pile out back. This is where I put all the thousands of sticks and pinecones that piles up in my pine-infested lot and I waited until a rainy day and had to get to it because a ban goes into effect May 1. I plan on getting around this though by doing hot dogs and s’mores... being the straight-up O.G. that I am.