Because it's mud.

Today, after getting back from some rainy soccer plus a Cub Scout thing, we potted a canteloupe plant and planted some trial moss between the flagstones out front. With the extra dirt, the kids went nuts over making a bucket of mud.

Later, I found Liam in the garage looking for a place to keep it. I told him he should dump the mud out in the backyard but he wanted to keep it.

"Why the heck do you want to keep that?" I asked.

"Because it's mud."

No one's going to stop me.

About 2 weeks ago, Erin started collecting some of the hundreds of caterpillars that have been around lately. She has a little plastic bug cage and now has about ten or more caterpillars in it crawling all over the leaves she puts in.

They started making cocoons so she decided to bring the cage to school to show her classmates and, in her words, "no one's going to stop me."

Rackin' Frackin'

As you all know, the list of phrases heard at work that annoy Jim is a long one and includes urinal greetings, references to my safety glasses, and (cringe) “my bad”.

Well here’s a few more, goddammit.

“I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill you.”
Okay... this was funny the first few times I heard it. Nothing wrong with superimposing images of cold, steel-eyed murder and Bondian end-of-the-world plots onto the typical work-related topic. Good stuff. But the seventeenth time… I killed the guy. Had to.

“What happens in X, stays in X.”
Probably the weeks after this phrase was first broadcast, there were thousands of jokers all over in places like Billingsworth, Tupelo, Accounts Receiving, and Hallmark Distribution East delivering good, solid material. Again… good stuff. I applaud thee. But now? Not so much.

“You let the smoke out”
Now, unless you’ve ever done anything related to screwing around with the insides of electrical equipment, you’ve probably not heard this one. I assume it’s even crossed over to IT but likely not a lot. However, within the electrical equipment field, it is freakin’ rampant. If an electrical sub-component pops or explodes for any reason and there is anyone technical around, you will here this guaranteed. I’m sure the idea of the component being designed and built with a cavity of concentrated smoke within was pretty hilarious in 1944 but more than half a century later it’s worn thin.

“Working hard or hardly working?”
You know, I can’t wait until I hear this classic, this gem again. I haven’t heard it in years. I only included this one because it was my first. Long ago, while I was sweeping up paper cups and cigarette butts from a Florida Burger King parking lot, a car drove by with an open window and these immortal words entered my life. I’m somebody now! Things are going to start happening to me now!

So at least we've got that going for us.

I was looking up something in wikipedia and, much like always, ended up roaming. I was reading about how the length of the day is slowly increasing over time and wondered how long it would get but apparently, that's not something I need to be concerned with.

If other effects were ignored, tidal acceleration would continue until the rotational period of the Earth matched the orbital period of the Moon. At that time, the Moon would always be overhead of a single fixed place on Earth. Such a situation already exists in the Pluto-Charon system. However, the slowdown of the Earth's rotation is not occurring fast enough for the rotation to lengthen to a month before other effects make this irrelevant: About 2.1 billion years from now, the continual increase of the Sun's radiation will cause the Earth's oceans to boil away, removing the bulk of the tidal friction and acceleration. Even without this, the slowdown to a month-long day would still not have been completed by 4.5 billion years from now when the Sun will evolve into a red giant and likely destroy both the Earth and Moon.

- from Wikipedia

I gotsta know...

Every so often I search my blog and make sure I don't have my last name in it anywhere. Yeah, a little paranoid and likely useless but that's what I do.

I replaced one occurance just now in a January one. Did anyone get the reference in the title?

And, no, I'm not talking about the one above. The January post.

The Place

I went in the dark of doom.
Then I saw my own room.
I went down the hall.
I saw the wall.
I went in bed.
Could I pet Tedd?

- Liam

©2008 UNIVERSAL MEDIA SYNDICATE™ SPECIAL ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE

U.S. GOVERNMENT COIN MINTING SHUT-OFF NOTIFICATION
Sealed vault tubes of President coins go to public for $28
Public gets hoard of last Presidential coins free

By SHAWN OYLER
UNIVERSAL MEDIA SYNDICATE
(UMS) - Starting at precisely 7:45 a.m. today, some of the last Presidential Coins ever to be minted by the U.S. Government are being handed out free to the public.

They are getting five free coins and the first vault tube of 2008 with each complete set of 2007 vault tubes they claim.


The U.S. Government barely got started minting these new Presidential coins and by law were required to stop production forever. There will never be any more.

So, who’s to thank for this massive giveaway effort? Well, it’s not the government. It’s the World Reserve Monetary Exchange. And we’ll even give you the direct Hotline to call so you can be among the first to get yours free right now.

People everywhere will be trying to get their hands on the last of these magnificent stacks of coins with the never-before-seen edge markings. But only those who get in before the 3-day deadline are being handed one of the remaining brand new never-circulated Presidential Dollar Coins free with every single $28 sealed vault tube.

Officials at the World Reserve are coping with the explosion of calls. So, don’t give up calling if you don’t get through the first time. Keep trying. “It’s a miracle we were able to set up special Hotlines in three Regional Distribution Zones in an effort to maintain order across the country. We feared the flood of calls could bring us to our knees but we are now equipped to handle everyone who is trying to get through to get our last coins,” said Stephen Speakman, Director of Hotline Operations for the World Reserve Monetary Exchange.

All this is happening because the World Reserve has revealed it will release the last of its secretly located hoard of $13 million worth of never-circulated Presidential Coins in vault sealed tubes to prevent them from ever being introduced into commerce. It’s the only way to maintain their value as never-circulated coins.

“This is what everyone wants but so few will actually have. So many will be left out in the cold or with ordinary circulated coins if they can even find them in their bank change. That’s why we are so widely advertising our plans to give away some of the last never-circulated Presidential Coins free,” said Speakman.

Those who do beat the order deadline will get one of the last Presidential Dollar Coins free so they can handle it, show it off and still keep the valuable vault tube sealed and perfectly intact.

The U.S. Government is required to mint each President with a single Presidential $1 Coin, with a different President appearing every ninety days. That’s why everyone is still trying to get the last of these Presidential dollar coins now that minting has been shut off.

“To honor each President there will be forty sealed vault tubes in all, each containing twelve never-circulated Presidential Coins. That’s 480 coins. But with the forty free coins everybody is getting, it becomes a spectacular collection of 520 never-circulated coins in all, loaded into two separate heavy vault boxes. Only those lucky enough to get in on this now will be among the first to be automatically taken care of with all of the new Presidential Dollars to ever be minted for the next ten years,” explained Speakman.

The Presidential Dollars may be hard to find because they have not really made their way into the National Banking System. Banks will not honor requests for the free coins. And Banks will never have these crystal - clear sealed vault tubes of the never-circulated coins that show off the rare edge markings. Claims for these free coins which are in never-circulated condition are only being honored by the World Reserve for the next three days and only for those who beat the deadline for the sealed vault tubes.

“Just look at that stack of coins. When Americans get their hands on those, they are really going to do a double take,” Speakman said.

A story by Liam

One day I woke up and sceemed. AAAAAAAA!!!!!

My mom and dad came runing as fast as they could. Down the hall, threw the door, and into my room! They both asked: Whats the mater?

I ansared back: I have ate legs! Six are short!

Six are short? Thot my dad. Then my dad said: Take of the covers. So my mom took them off.

We saw, that the six little ones, were just suft animales.

Can I get a bigger umbrella?

The fam and I spent the last week in Central Florida... saw much of the extended family, sat out by the pool, saw some alligators, ate at chain restaurants, paid a ton of tolls... all the regular Florida bread and butter. Had a great time.

We also spent a laid-back day at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon with Kerry's family. Erin could not do too many of the rides since she can't quite swim yet (hopefully by the end of this summer) but loved the lazy river and the slides just off the massive wavepool. Liam was a maniac. An awesome waterpark for smaller kids.

On the ten-hour ride back (we are NOT the gotta-get-there road trippers), Kerry filled me in on a few more details on our next vacation plans. The general scheme involves us visiting FOUR Disney parks in a single week in November. Yes, this will include Finn and YES I did say FOUR FREAKIN' DISNEY PARKS!!!! She's mentioned this in the past and I reacted similarly and I'll forget about it once more until it comes up again. She's the planner... I basically react week-to-week.

The thought of rampaging through four separate Mouse-controlled family entertainment compounds in four days sends chills through this lonely voice in the wilderness. However, my brain has seized upon a plot that may keep it sane in the intervening time between now and Armageddon: the resort Lounge Crawl.

I have sworn to my beautiful and beloved wife that I will only attend three of the days but have ammended said ultimatum to three and a half. The last half-day will be reserved for dad in which I plan on hitting any resort I can get to gratis by monorail, bus, or flip-flops and getting the "specialty" drink of the house.

Be it a Malibu Macaw (a delightful combination of Malibu coconut rum and melon liqueur, pineapple and cranberry juices $6.50) at the Tambu Lounge at the Polynesian or a Pepper Pine Cone (our own spicy Bloody Mary mix made with Absolute Citron and pepper garnish $6.00) at the Territory Lounge at the Wilderness Lodge (I love how the guy at this site says this place is "reminiscent of the old National Park lodges built early in the century"... although visually spectacular and fun as hell to walk around in, unless "reminiscent" means culling the basic cartoony essence from something and transmogrifying it to a gargantuan cliche, I have no idea what he or she is talking about) or maybe just a chilled glass of Bud at the Outer Rim Lounge at the Contemporary.... I'll be there.

Adrian!

They had a pretty cool finish setup where you ran through a maze with people cheering. I was vigilantly scanning the crowd looking for my wife and kids who I was hoping were there. Since I had already screwed my time I planned on stopping and kissing her. And no... if I had been running the entire thing and close to 4 I would not have stopped!

When I crossed the finish and still no sign of Kerry I figured she had not felt up to coming down. Certainly understandable given that she was pregnant, with two kids, it was cold and windy, and she'd be taking the MARTA. In fact, I had encouraged her not to come although of course I wanted her to. Passing out those silvery thermal blankets right after the finish line was a good friend of mine who told me Kerry had just been there. So cheerfully, I set out to find her.

John found me and we wandered around, talking about the run, I grabbed a bagel, and we headed to the gear dropoff so I could collect my phone and call Kerry. I saw them before I got there and did the hugs and pictures thing. They were all a little cold and miserable and I wanted to sit down somewhere... for a while! So we headed off to the MARTA station.

It turned out that Kerry had told a few of the family about the website in which you could track a runner's progress. Based on the two or three spots along the way with sensors, the software had me coming in at 4 hours. In fact, while she was up at the finish line, her brother had called her telling her I had finished. So she thought she must have missed me and set off to find me. And fifteen minutes later I crossed for real, tired and aching in non-virtual world.

Still tired and aching, I made the long trek to the station. Thank God for escalators because any downstair progress was absolutely agonizing. In fact, later on at the North Springs Station, I had to go down a few flights of stairs and I used the rail as a support... not as a guide but as a full-on, two-armed support... as I slowly and wretchedly made my way down, step by painful step. There was another guy doing the same thing which made it a little funny. A little!

But before getting on the MARTA at Peachtree Center, I felt a little nauseous. This feeling quickly gave way to a lot nauseous and I nearly puked in the trash can in the middle of the platform. The dry heaves wrenched every muscle in my side more painfully than I've ever felt but the feeling went away fast and on the advice of John (who had mercifully guided Erin away during my spasm) ate the banana I had grabbed at the finish. I napped for two hours when I got home and for two days limped around the office.

Regarding everything I did on the marathon... the water, the gatorade, the gels... I believe I did everything right. I did have a cold and a wrenched back three weeks before which kind of screwed up my training schedule but I don't think that was a factor. I think if I had aimed for a 4:10 - 4:15 time I would have run the whole thing and made it. But I hadn't trained enough for running 26 miles at a 4 hour pace.

By the way, I am falling into the same trap as a lot of runners. You get obsessed with whatever goal you've set and even when you get it you jump up to the next thing. I never planned on running a marathon and was just fine with 10k's. I kept shooting for a faster and faster time. However, part of me realized that I would a) reach a plateau, and b) speed was going to kill my knees. Then I ran the first ING thing in Atlanta but I did the half-marathon that time. And I had a great time. I love intown Atlanta and running through it is a total blast.

So then I turned 40 and set a triumvirate for myself, run my fastest Peachtree (10k), my fastest East Atlanta Strut (5k), and do a marathon. Then I'd be done and I'd run to keep in shape and start biking a lot more to ease off on my knees. But along the way I threw in the 4 hour and the "run the whole thing" goal.

I'm fine with what I did though. If I HAD shot for 4:10 and made it ok, I would be in basically the same position as I am now: wanting to run it again in 4 hours. Only now, I know that I can't do it if I do the same thing. If I had done it in 4:10, I might think all I would have to do is push a little harder. But I shot for 4 and couldn't do it.

But I will next year.

Max

Tonight, the kids and I buried our cat in the backyard.

Max was a great cat. He wasn't fussy or skittish and shared his affection for everyone. He only ate dry food and only rarely scratched up the furniture. Max never liked it when we left on vacations. We would have a friend stop in to see him a few times and, when we returned, he would meow constantly for an hour then would stay by my side for a day.

This morning when I woke up, I noticed he didn't come clicking into the bathroom to get his morning pets. I figured the kids must've accidently let him out because Max always wants me to pet him in the morning. Typically, it's a bit of an annoyance but it kind of gives me a chance to wake up before the jolt of the shower. Bleery-eyed, I checked out the front and back door for him but he was at neither entrance.


Later, I mentioned it to Kerry on the phone. She was running errands but stopped back home to leave some food and water out. Although he's an indoor cat, he likes to get out and explore... and to eat grass which he subsequently pukes up on the floor... but he seldom goes far from the door and this was the longest he'd been absent.

Kerry looked around in the backyard and found his body in one of the wild areas.
Apparently, he somehow made it over a fence to get in there (he's always been a chubby cat by the way) and died. There were no signs of injury on him and he hadn't seemed out of sorts when we last saw him but he was about 12 years old.

He had a good life. He was loved. And he will be missed.

A Study in Moppishness

Well, if I was completely wrong and a marathon turned out to be 23 miles, I would’ve done great. Unfortunately, in the real world, a marathon is 26.2 miles and those extra 3 and change were a killer, a doozy, a real humdinger even.

It seems like I was running the entire morning. I woke up at 4:30, showered, ate a small piece of toast with jam, grabbed a cup of coffee, and drove to the North Springs MARTA station. There were lots of runners milling about but nothing like the Peachtree in which the place is utterly slammed.

I thought I had given myself plenty of time but we ended up at the starting area with about 10 minutes until the gun and I had still to find the gear dropoff and use the bathroom. The gear dropoff point is where you can leave a bag of stuff… cellphone, keys, change of clothes, etc. I didn’t do it last year (probably the better way to go) but wanted it this year as I wasn’t sure my wife and kids were going to make it down to the finish. Kerry wanted to but with her pregnancy, it’s always a tossup as to how she’s going to feel.

Although they had easily 40 – 60 port-a-lets set up, each one had 30-40 runners in line in front of it. So while the cow-orker I was with, John, held my place in the dropoff line, I joined a bunch of guys at a big row of bushes. Halfway through, they all disappeared. My paranoid mind had this sudden exodus coinciding with a short whoop of a police siren but I finished sans handcuffs, dropped off my stuff, and we headed up to the madding crowd at the start. It was actually nice to get into the crowd and out of the chilling wind. For at least a month prior, the weather had been great then the day of, arctic blast. Fantastic. Like I always do though, I ended up removing my outerwear. I tied my Windbreaker™ around my waste about a mile or two in.

Just like my half last year, I loved the route with associations and memories abound:

Mile 2 took us past the site where I saw Bjorn Again at Music Midtown 2000 and where the old Rio Mall has been replaced by a Publix. Mile 3 went in sight of my first apartment with Kerry at Post Renaissance… Liam’s first home. 4 and 5 meandered up Edgewood and through the location of the Inman Park Festival and into Little 5, site of many a great show seen and many a great beer downed. At 6 going by the Carter Center, a lady apparently focusing on the half, shouted “C’mon… we’re halfway there!” to which John muttered “Halfway to my ass!”.

9 took us through the village section (or whatever the little shop/restaurant neighborhood centers are called) of Candler Park with the Flying Biscuit memory of a blue-lipped diabetic friend hovered over by waiters with moist towels and the place where I bought most of the art I have. 10 ran us down Ponce and into the outskirts of Decatur past a corner where I remember sitting in my Jeep with the top down on a spring day with the Cardigan’s Life album playing. 12 was the house I lived at during the Olympics which the guy who owned it sold for roughly twice what he paid for it.

And so on…

Of course, around the halfway point in downtown Decatur I stopped waxing eloquent over the scenery and started realizing I was getting tired. And it was still cold… I put my jacket back on and settled into the unending grind of pumping my legs up and down, step after step. And they were starting to hurt.

And we were just getting into Druid Hills. We had been keeping a rock steady 9:10 per mile pace the entire way so far… just right for a 4 hour time at the finish.

I realized I needed something to get me through and resorted to my iPod which I had brought along just in case. I had to stop to hook it up. My fingers were numb from the cold and likely the lack of circulation as my blood focused on keeping me going and it took me a few tries to adjust the safety pin I use as a strain relief for the ear pieces. I got it going and caught up to John. The music helped a lot and got me to through Virginia-Highland and into Piedmont Park where we passed the same guys who had a keg last year.

Into and through the Park, I slowed and soon realized I wasn’t going to pick it up any. I realized that I had to abandon my primary goal of a 4 hour time and try to keep my secondary one… to run the entire route. Although they count in the total time… the clock never stops… I’m not including pit stops in this goal. You’ve got to stop to piss and sometimes to insure you get a solid cup of water. But I never wanted to have to give in and walk because I couldn’t run any further.

So just before the 23 mile marker… about 3 miles to the end…I slowed dramatically… basically shuffling along. I waved John off who had been staying with me to help me get 4. It almost worked and I would’ve given up on it a lot sooner without him. It was his 6th marathon and he was feeling fine. He went on to getting a 3:59:31 time by pushing for 8 minute miles for the last section.

I, on the other hand, was struggling to keep going. Each step was an agony in my upper leg muscles. I tried to keep myself moving. 3 miles?! That’s nothing… I don’t even run 3 miles any more. I can do a 5k in half an hour no problem! But then I’d look up and see the buildings of downtown far, far away…. I suspect that knowing the town you’re running a marathon in is not always such a cool thing. I knew this was going to take forever.

Turning down Juniper, I hit a hill. Near the top, I gave up my secondary goal and walked. I let one minute go by on my watch and started up again. Believe me, it’s tough to keep going but it’s much worse to start jogging again from a walk. 1 minute walk… not so bad. Just 1 minute. But then I stopped for a water on the new 5th Street bridge and kept walking a little more.

I jogged (if you can call it that) most of the way to the finish, walking about 8 minutes total and came in at 4:15:43. Check out the 11:00 – 11:30 video of the finish here. Forward to the 4:22:19 clock time and look for the limping guy with the orange ING hat and the black jacket.

More on the finish and thoughts on how I did (plus the difference between clock and chip time) later. I must rest this poor, poor body!

-9:23:00 0 miles

I'll be waking up at 4:30 tomorrow and MARTA'ing downtown for my marathon. 48 degrees predicted tomorrow but only a 20% chance of rain. Here's hopin' it doesn't rain!

In here - everything I need

Ok, I planned on keeping mention of them to a minimum but I’m going to be at the Fu Manchu show Tuesday night at my old hangout The Earl and, gosh darnit, I’m pretty excited about it. I don’t get out much anymore so I’ll probably letting loose a little. Especially since I could give a rat’s ass about being cool anymore. I’ve been listening to their stuff pretty steadily during my marathon training for the last year and and I’m conditioned to using the songs to get me up a hill, to catch up and pass another jogger, or just to keep me going when everything else is trying to make me for-the-love-of-God just STOP, why doncha?!!

So some jumping around and a little headbanging is definitely on the agenda, the question is to what extent… especially since I plan to be comfortably ripped. Will I be the old rocker dude getting “down” and inspiring chuckles and snarky comments or will I be the flailing freak air guitaring up front being given plenty of room and embarrassing the band?

A cheeseburger, hold the patty, hold the bun, add a potato.

My lovely wife is right now consuming a concoction made up of mashed potatoes, shredded cheese, ketchup, mustard, a dash of tabasco, and a Claussen whole dill on the side.

Mmm mmm... makes my mouth water just writing about it.

Sure and Begorrah!

For St. Patrick’s Day, I limped around all day at work with a green shirt, green tie, and an aching back enduring the “How’d the interview go?” and “Hot date?” jokes. After work I picked up a dozen green cupcakes and a 6-pack of Smithwick’s and we had the ritual corn beef and cabbage. I enjoy the occasional Guinness now and then and Harp is so-so but I’m not a big fan of Irish beers in the US but this Smithwick’s stuff is pretty damn good. Finished off the day reading "Tim O'Toole and the Wee People" to the kiddies.

Considering the fact that, as far as I know, I’m of 100% Irish descent and I love to drink beer, you’d think I’d be huge into St. Patrick’s Day but, no, I’ve never really celebrated it much and usually considered it a “touristy” kind of thing whatever that means. But I may as well face the fact that it’s going to be a big thing in my life… my wife is a red-head and has the name of a county in Ireland… my daughter’s name literally means “Ireland”, and my two sons are Liam and Finn.

Bottoms up!

The Ravaging Scourge of Aught-8

Last Sunday, I felt pretty crappy all day. I was a little wary as Liam currently had a case of strep throat and Erin had gotten over a cold. I wasn’t really sure how bad it was because I was loaded up with ibuprofen because I had threw my back out the previous day idiotically lifting a massive box of Time Life books that I grew up with.

Turned out it was a bad’un but got back to normal yesterday. That and the back thing though has stole a vital week of my marathon training. Oh well… I can’t think about it too much because now Erin’s sick AGAIN plus Kerry, who I figured was infused with super-prego-immunity-boosting hormones is now ill too!

Lame!

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Don't worry.. I've got plenty to write.. just been busy, feverish, running, in excruciating pain, chasing after the kids, all the usual...

I will get to it Friday night.

And I'll blog a little too.

-013 Kalrez or Perlast if You're on a Budget

It was 9:30 pm on a drizzly Friday night and I was just settling in, beer in hand, to writing up a blog featuring Weezer and the Replacements when Kerry sent me out on a food quest.

She could not bring herself to eat anything in the house and only a grilled cheese sandwich and onion rings from Steak ‘n Shake would end her craving. The pickle on top of the grilled cheese was the coup de gracie.

Oh my God, Omaha.

Monday afternoon, I forsook all judgement and boarded a plane headed once again for Omaha, that beguiling temptress of the Midwest. That night, since I didn’t know anywhere else to go, my cow orker and I went to the same fancy brewpub joint I was taken to last time I was in southwest Omaha (SWOM?). And ended up there again the next night.

After getting back to our lovely hotel with an enchanting view of a cement plant, I endeavored to relieve the boredom. It was only 10pm and we didn’t have to be at the customer’s until 9 the next day so I talked the guy I was with into wandering across Cornhusker Avenue to Wally’s Place, the only time I’ve ever seen a convenience store / bar combination. I’ve seen Burger King’s and Subway’s conjoined with gas stations but never a full-fledged trucker bar complete with a huge aquarium over the rows of liquor. To get to the bathroom, you’d walk past the jukebox then along the big gulp soda station, past the beef jerkey display, and through what I seem to remember as an entire aisle devoted to gummi bears and their assorted kin.

The next day, after a groggy start, went smoothly and we arrived at Eppley Field (the “world’s cleanest airport” according to the plastic urinal screens) well-ahead of schedule. The first hint of something amiss was that our flight had a half-hour delay due to a malfunctioning sensor or something. No big deal. But then it was delayed another half-hour. Then an hour.Then every hour it would be delayed another hour.

We ended up sitting at the airport for over five hours until they finally cancelled the flight and put us up at the Sleep Inn just south of the airport and separated by the Omaha Correctional Center by two parallel rows of ten foot fence topped with comforting loops of razor wire. When the shuttle dumped us on the curb and sped off into the night, the lobby was a mob scene.

When we finally got up to the front desk, there were two rooms left and word on the street was that there were few rooms if any to be had in the nearby hotels. Since there was still a crowd behind us, we decided to share a room.

But we forgot to make sure it had two beds. And it didn’t. No problem but he volunteered to sleep on the floor which would help to avoid some of the jokes back at the office.

The next day was another one of BlackBerry e-mails and calls interspersed with half-attempted crosswords and sudukos then a flightout (finally!) at 1pm. On the plane, I heard about what sounds like a cool place that I’ll have to check out if I ever have to go back to Omaha… and I suspect I will.




To continue with the “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” motif, the next day, on the UPS tracking website, Kerry found out that the sneakers I had ordered had been delayed due to “TRAIN DERAILMENT”.

Sigh.