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Last week I had the pleasure of experiencing two birthdays.... mine and my youngest son's.

For Finn's 3rd, we had been planning for a while to take him to see Cars 2.
1) He liked the first Cars
2) It was premiering on his actual birthday
3) It would be his first movie on the big screen

It was only later we found out that
4) The #2 main character was named Finn!

Fun was had by all and he now is the proud owner of several Finn McMissile accoutrements including two T-shirts, a few toy cars, and a flashlight.

Then for my birthday my wonderful wife kept it simple, some beer and a few uninterrupted hours playing old school Mario with Liam.

We don't have a Wii or DS or anything like that for the kids so although their absence keeps proving itself a great thing time and time again, every once in a while I have the occasional nagging vision of my eldest son unable to "hold his own" in imagined pre-teen basement contests of manhood. So because of this, it eases my parental guilt to treat myself.... nay, to "instruct" my son in the fine time-honored tradition of gamesmanship.

Plus Mario is goddamn cool as hell...

I remember well sitting on a ratty (ratty? maybe "vomity" is a more accurate term since I never saw a rat there) couch in a ra- err.... well lived-in apartment deep in what was termed the "ghetto" next to the University of Central Florida, well-supplied with Busch but still riveted at 5am in concentration on jumping on the egg in Ice World 2 or throwing the turtle shell in order to unleash the Tanooki feather or whatever it was we were doing that I really only just now remember the details of because I recently gloriously relived them...

5am? It was more like 7am when I stumbled outside after finally defeating King Frog. Good times those were. Searching for hidden shortcuts for hours and hours, fish sandwiches, Subway drama.... good times. Mario 2 and 3... fine vintages.

GRAVY BOAT STAY IN THE NOW!!

My youngest son's birthday is 3 days before mine which is nice because it has eclipsed mine.

I suppose if I "got what I wished for" and nobody mentioned my birthday again I might miss the normal gestures of friendship and civility especially from my family but are birthday celebrations really something adults should be indulging in? Sure, maybe back in the days of influenza, famine, and invading hordes the culmination of another year of life was an achievement, something worthy of commemorating. But now? What the hell are you celebrating? The fact that you didn't crash your car?

I'm not saying you shouldn't celebrate your achievements.. you bought a nice house, graduated college, got a new job, stayed married for 10 years? Have a party!

But... you managed to live another year??

You want to celibrate life, love, and family? I've got no problem with that either... that's what Christmas, anniversaries, kid's birthdays, Mother's/Father's Day, etc and all that is for.

We've got enough freakin holidays. And, by the way, to most of you I'm talking to, our GODDAMN ENTIRE LIVES ARE HOLIDAYS!!!!

And let me emhasize, by that I don't mean you should feel guilty or that you haven't earned what you have. I'm just saying do you really feel you deserve pats on the back and a few gifts for doing F*ING NOTHING BUT MANAGING TO BREATH AIR FOR ANOTHER YEAR???

Planet Jim:

Are you under 5? You get a birthday!! It's mostly for your parents anyway but you did manage not to run out in the street and get hit by a car or stick a fork in an electrical socket so hey, here's some cake!

Are you 5 - 10? Ok, you get a birthday... mostly it's a way to get you to socialize with other kids outside of school now that we make you live in this freakish isolated suburban world but hey, here's a giant pizza! And some cake!

Are you over 10? No, you don't get a birthday... you already have enough crap, you still get Christmas, and it's about time you started learning what the world is really like so get out there and shovel the snow off the driveway before you walk 12 blocks to school...

And you don't get a birthday again until you're 1 year past the average life span.