Two things I've had no luck Googling: my theory of the kamikaze ants and the identity of the latest majority species in my lawn.
Roughly once a month during the warm seasons, I'll look down and see an ant aimlessly wandering the endless plateau that is my kitchen counter. My theory is that each colony sends out waves of these rovers in all directions. If an ant discovers food then and only then does it re-trace its trail back to the nest to report. Otherwise, it keeps plodding on and on until it finds Sarah O'Conner's name in the phone book.
Yesterday, while surveying my vast tracts of land, I kept feeling little things hitting my knees. I assumed they were bugs but the sheer density made me investigate. Turns out that that the latest weed to take over my lawn, a Darwinian melting pot of clover, dandelions, moss, wild onions, and a few cowering blades of grass, is a plant that when touched, shoots out barrages of bullet-shaped seeds. All sexual comments aside - I can't call them inuendos since they'd basically be true- the whole process fascinates me... burrs, the bee/flower thing, dandelions... all right, enough. The issue is I want to know what they're called (my son dubbed them "rocket grass") but how to Google?
Friday, March 31, 2006
Up the Sodium
Went to Up the Creek tonight with the in-laws. I always get whatever the specialty is so when I'm at one of these theme places I stick with the theme. So I had the Pecan Crusted Trout: "Butterflied trout filet, dusted with seasoned flour and crushed pecans, then sauteed." I'm not a big fan of breaded anything and was a bit worried but "dusted" swayed me.
Dusted, my asymptote. The thing was a freakin' pancake complete with some kind of butter/maple syrup congloperation. What's with these OTP mall remora joints? Everything is over-salted and over-buttered with the end result that everything tastes like spoonfuls of mayonnaise.
I'm far from a health nut... my favorite meals are Beef Stroganoff and 2 slices of Fellini's pizza with the house salad and a coke with a slice of lemon... but if I have to keep going to these Appleby-clones (and I will since I travel for work) I'm going to become one of those "on-the side" people that order everything special.
Me: "I'll have the grilled trout... with nothing on it... and throw in some steamed brocolli.. without dumping a cup of garlic butter on it, please."
Dusted, my asymptote. The thing was a freakin' pancake complete with some kind of butter/maple syrup congloperation. What's with these OTP mall remora joints? Everything is over-salted and over-buttered with the end result that everything tastes like spoonfuls of mayonnaise.
I'm far from a health nut... my favorite meals are Beef Stroganoff and 2 slices of Fellini's pizza with the house salad and a coke with a slice of lemon... but if I have to keep going to these Appleby-clones (and I will since I travel for work) I'm going to become one of those "on-the side" people that order everything special.
Me: "I'll have the grilled trout... with nothing on it... and throw in some steamed brocolli.. without dumping a cup of garlic butter on it, please."
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Restless Lawn Syndrome
Here's me in the 2k's... I am looking forward to gettin' up tomorrow and spending the entire day working on the yard... picking up pinecones and branches, raking, but most of all, mowing.
When we first bought the house, I reveled in my yard tools: I named my mower Sherman and the weed-eater Strike Force Delta. Fortunately, except for the beginning of "the season", the names didn't stick but now with the resurrection of Sherman by mine own hand, the thrill has returned.
When winter settles in, your supposed to run a mower dry or drain the gas tank... apparently gasoline "gels" over time and clogs up the works. Well, I let my mower sit for a month then tried to run it so I could warm it up, change the oil, drain the tank, and do all the little duties to properly prepare it for hibernation. But the thing wouldn't start! I screwed with the governor a little but ended up letting it lie all winter.
Come the dandelions and I'm desperately searching Small Engine forums, printing out parts lists and troubleshooting guides, and buddying up to friends and neighbors to get advice.
JIM: "Hey, nice weather, huh?"
NEIGHBOR: "Sure is."
JIM: "A lot better than last Saturday night, huh?"
NEIGHBOR: "Oh yeah. Ha!"
JIM: "So... have you ever disassembled a Briggs & Stratton lawnmower carburetor?"
Anyway, I clean up the carb and, after getting a very reasonable suggestion in a forum, I replace a gasket on the air filter base that has something to do with ensuring a proper prime. Sounds good to me. If the carb isn't priming with gas because that little bulb isn't pulling a vacuum, thing won't go no-how, right? So I head on down to Ace where they have a Small Engine Service shop on the side.
By the way, although it is a longer drive and they have French hours, I have set my default to Ace Hardware. They actually know what they're talking about more than once every 10 times you go in the place and even though the place is tiny compared to the warehousian Home Depot and Lowe's, they actually have a better selection of a lot of stuff (ie., plumping, screws, etc.).
Anyway, the guy you visualize when I say "Lawnmower Repair Guy" was behind the counter. I started to describe my problem and I'm fairly certain "Brigg's & Stratton" escaped my lips but I didn't even get a chance to breakout my diagrams to get a part number and he's handing me a $2 gasket. I realized I was in the presence of genius.
Eager to take advantage of the situation, I casually mentioned that the gas tank was leaking... a non-related issue that I was dealing with by not ever filling the tank over 1/2 way. A guy at work had had the same problem and I had a vague recollection of the problem mentioned on the Net so I had a feeling it was a problem with these engines... and since a leaking gas tank is clearly a safety issue, there was a faint sniff of "gratis" in the air but I am not one to directly push anything like this. True to my hunch, the guy rummages in the back and returns with a replacement tank, no charge.
And here is the place in the story where I say "and it fired up, first pull!" but no, that would not be Planet Jim. I put everything back together and nothing... nothing. I took the carb apart again and meticulously explored and cleaned it's every mysterious passage and tubeway. In the process , I sprayed carb cleaner into a blind hole and got a direct shot into my right eye.
Screaming a common 4-letter word beginning with the letter "FUCK!!!" at the top of my voice in Uzi-like repetition, I ran to the kitchen sink, pulling the contact from my eye en route, and locked my wide-open eye directly beneath the fully-running tap. It felt ok after but the next morning, my eye was glued together with mucous and felt a bit "off" all day. Oh well, that was a little less than a wek ago and it seems fine. WEAR SAFETY GLASSSES!!!
So I begin to re-install the now shining carb back onto the engine but - what's this? - I lost an o-ring! Joy! After seaching Hi and Lois for it, I set out for the Ace. I notice a funny noise backing out of the driveway and - WHAT'S THIS? - my left front tire, one of four purchased 5 weeks ago, is completely flat. AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!
And it goes without saying that the place was closed.
But all's swell that end's swell, I finally got it all back together and put in fresh gas and it fired up, first pull! Well, the 4th or 5th anyhow.
When we first bought the house, I reveled in my yard tools: I named my mower Sherman and the weed-eater Strike Force Delta. Fortunately, except for the beginning of "the season", the names didn't stick but now with the resurrection of Sherman by mine own hand, the thrill has returned.
When winter settles in, your supposed to run a mower dry or drain the gas tank... apparently gasoline "gels" over time and clogs up the works. Well, I let my mower sit for a month then tried to run it so I could warm it up, change the oil, drain the tank, and do all the little duties to properly prepare it for hibernation. But the thing wouldn't start! I screwed with the governor a little but ended up letting it lie all winter.
Come the dandelions and I'm desperately searching Small Engine forums, printing out parts lists and troubleshooting guides, and buddying up to friends and neighbors to get advice.
JIM: "Hey, nice weather, huh?"
NEIGHBOR: "Sure is."
JIM: "A lot better than last Saturday night, huh?"
NEIGHBOR: "Oh yeah. Ha!"
JIM: "So... have you ever disassembled a Briggs & Stratton lawnmower carburetor?"
Anyway, I clean up the carb and, after getting a very reasonable suggestion in a forum, I replace a gasket on the air filter base that has something to do with ensuring a proper prime. Sounds good to me. If the carb isn't priming with gas because that little bulb isn't pulling a vacuum, thing won't go no-how, right? So I head on down to Ace where they have a Small Engine Service shop on the side.
By the way, although it is a longer drive and they have French hours, I have set my default to Ace Hardware. They actually know what they're talking about more than once every 10 times you go in the place and even though the place is tiny compared to the warehousian Home Depot and Lowe's, they actually have a better selection of a lot of stuff (ie., plumping, screws, etc.).
Anyway, the guy you visualize when I say "Lawnmower Repair Guy" was behind the counter. I started to describe my problem and I'm fairly certain "Brigg's & Stratton" escaped my lips but I didn't even get a chance to breakout my diagrams to get a part number and he's handing me a $2 gasket. I realized I was in the presence of genius.
Eager to take advantage of the situation, I casually mentioned that the gas tank was leaking... a non-related issue that I was dealing with by not ever filling the tank over 1/2 way. A guy at work had had the same problem and I had a vague recollection of the problem mentioned on the Net so I had a feeling it was a problem with these engines... and since a leaking gas tank is clearly a safety issue, there was a faint sniff of "gratis" in the air but I am not one to directly push anything like this. True to my hunch, the guy rummages in the back and returns with a replacement tank, no charge.
And here is the place in the story where I say "and it fired up, first pull!" but no, that would not be Planet Jim. I put everything back together and nothing... nothing. I took the carb apart again and meticulously explored and cleaned it's every mysterious passage and tubeway. In the process , I sprayed carb cleaner into a blind hole and got a direct shot into my right eye.
Screaming a common 4-letter word beginning with the letter "FUCK!!!" at the top of my voice in Uzi-like repetition, I ran to the kitchen sink, pulling the contact from my eye en route, and locked my wide-open eye directly beneath the fully-running tap. It felt ok after but the next morning, my eye was glued together with mucous and felt a bit "off" all day. Oh well, that was a little less than a wek ago and it seems fine. WEAR SAFETY GLASSSES!!!
So I begin to re-install the now shining carb back onto the engine but - what's this? - I lost an o-ring! Joy! After seaching Hi and Lois for it, I set out for the Ace. I notice a funny noise backing out of the driveway and - WHAT'S THIS? - my left front tire, one of four purchased 5 weeks ago, is completely flat. AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!
And it goes without saying that the place was closed.
But all's swell that end's swell, I finally got it all back together and put in fresh gas and it fired up, first pull! Well, the 4th or 5th anyhow.
Tonga Conquer All
Last night I finished the 3-month bathroom tiling project with a fairly easy and successful threshold. And, for some reason more satisfying, the lawn mower that has been out of commission for the winter is back! My last ditch effort before bringing it to a friend paid off in the rousing healthy roar of a smoothly running machine. "It's like we've released the panther!"
I'd love to go on about each grueling task involved but... oh what the hell, it's my blog and if I bore you, how hard is it to skip? Plus I've got the next two days off before the weekend because the in-laws are visiting.... woo hoo!
I'd love to go on about each grueling task involved but... oh what the hell, it's my blog and if I bore you, how hard is it to skip? Plus I've got the next two days off before the weekend because the in-laws are visiting.... woo hoo!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
It's Alive
Well... I finally got tired of using e-mails and my friends' blogs as my own personal blog space so here goes.
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